Been a while since I last did this . Wowowowow ! So it's freakin august already ?! Alright ! In terms of events Im finally 21 , and haven't fully lived up to the hype yet , but that'll soon change because I'm going to freakin Vegas next week ! Omg I'm so excited . And let's see lots of things happened over the past few months , met some cool new people - got to go to San diegger every chance I got and I pretty much had summer school - but that wasn't so bad - thank goodness it's over ! Finallly , but I still feel like ihave hw to do =[
aside from all that , I just thought I'd blog since I can't sleep - so I was thinking .. That my life is certainly not as I planned ... I don't know how I even got myself into this position , okay maybe I know half . Am I doing the right thing ? I feel like just telling someone . But I can't , just can't . It would ruin everything . Man I hate this . I don't like what this comes along with , I for one am all for getting things back the way they used to be . But I guess the only way to let go is to move forward ? It's just hard when theres soomething to pull you right back . As much as I like it , I'd rather move forward and have that same thing, but for all the right reasons . I can't grasp the situation , I want what's happening but I wan it for the long run . It's so hard , and it's driving me fuckin crazy .
so here i go again . by myself . and got to thinkin ' . so i had breakfast the other morning with a friend , and right now the only thing that keeps coming up in my mind is the word "realize." Our conversation just held the usual , how are you doing ... what's changed ... yada yada . in our little update he had some how managed to slip in .. "you have to date other people .. to realize ... "
well let me tell you this - Realize -
from dictionary.com –verb (used with object)
1.
to grasp or understand clearly.
2.
to make real; give reality to (a hope, fear, plan, etc.).
3.
to bring vividly to the mind.
and finally from urbandictonary.com
1. realize -to finally understand .
Realize . Realize what ? to grasp or understand clearly what's out there without you? to make real and give reality to my strengths ? to bring vividly to the mind that we've changed for the better? or is it for you to finally understand that i made it by myself ? i don't need to date to realize who i want to be with . i don't need to date to realize what i already know . i dont know why i think heavily about these little things ... they just stick to me . let me tell you straight out ... for the past few months , i've Realized that i'm more independent than i thought i was , but that doesn't make me any better than you , because people Realize in different ways . some need others and some don't . ahhh this growing experience ....
"sometimes two people need to break up - to grow up . because only grown up make relationships work ." how many times did i use the word realize ? hahaha . let's seee , synonym: appreciate . good one . i appreciate that you're still in my life and apparently , i'm still in yours .
first blog of 2009 . yippee . happpy new year ! so i just wanted to post this video . 2008 has brought me many great memories . share of good and bad . sorry to see it go ... but nothing lasts forever right ? as i was going through my youtube account and how many videos i made... (which was alot) i came across this one - my favorite video of all time ..
though things may not have turned out as planned ... there's still hope in the world , there's still love .. in our hearts . always . i'll never forget what made and changed my life . all i can say now is .. i miss the boy that made me believe in love , forever and most especially - friendship .
byyy the way i posted up tons of new videos .. some of which .. i know you will all enjoy ! sooo hit up the youtube !
You were right about one thing - "if we ever broke up we can't be friends , so that means we can't break up" Well , I guess it's just like that huh ?
All I can say now is I hope you're happy and you get what you want . Loving you took the best of me - I guess let's just leave it that way , because I know I'll never let anyone else in , like I did with you . only one baby . The Only One . 724 .
So PLAN A : fail ! Omg I need to work my ass in the morning ! So little time so much to do ! PLAN B : you're going to work for me . (this is what I get for being too thoughtful, I knew I shouldve brought my keys!)
Happy birthday baby boy . 2-1 ! Omggggg how exciting . All I can say is I hope it's your best yet . I love you and seeee you in a couple hours =]
My mom made me think about what I was doing when plan A didn't work . . . Here's my answer -- when you love someone , you go through all lengths and obstacles that there may be just to be with them . And make sure that they feel that queezy lovey covey feeling too . For me , I'd do anything and everything . Enough to drive myself 11:30 pm to his house just to be the first person he sees on his day . Enough to plan surprises and make sure it works . Enough to plan things weeks and months prior to the day . Enough to prove that I will be there til the end of time , keeping my promise to him . Alllll of these things can seriously drive a girl crazy ! But when it comes to him , no limits - just all my heart can give .
